Sunday, 7 February 2010

Mañana Montanez

Top 6 Results: 6th February 2010

Cat's looking very serious (or at least what passes for looking very serious in the field of light entertainment) as she informs us that there are six dancers competing for four slots to have a shot at one prize. We've all had our say, the lines have been closed and the votes counted, and we're about to find out who we've left at the mercy of the judges. The dream is over for one girl and one guy, but who they? Titles!


We come in to a deleted scene from Working Girl 2: Working Girls, the little known straight-to-DVD 2004 sequel starring Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff. Mandy, Charlie and Lizzie are in skirt suits and answering telephones (and I feel it necessary at this point to clarify that none of these phones are situated in their pants), while Tommy, Alastair and Robbie lurk behind them carrying briefcases. A remix of 'Big Spender' plays as the girls roll around in a pre-watershed version of "sexually aroused", while the boys apparently ply them with trinkets. A furiously-applauded solo spot in the middle involves Charlie sticking her leg right up in the air again, as though we're supposed to still be surprised that she can do this. It goes on for about eleventy billion years, and then the girls relieve the boys of their jackets, and then pull their trousers down so that we can see they're all wearing matching red boxer shorts. Regrettably, there is not then a brief breakdown in which Tommy chastises the other two for not following the plan they'd set out weeks ago about running their underwear choices past each other before the show started. (Hey, several of pairs of Alistair's pants went missing after Yannet and Drew were eliminated. They're working with what they've got left - Chris) Anyway, the boys end up on the floor while the girls pose over them holding briefcases and waving their new jewellery while money falls from the ceiling, and this is why female emancipation is a bad thing. I'm kidding! Maybe.

Cat enters and invokes applause for the routine and Giant Lady, who choreographed it. She tells the dancers well done, and then advises them to go backstage and put some trousers on, since the lines are now closed and it's too late for their pant-displaying state to benefit them. She may not have said that last bit. Cat then tells us that the results are imminent, as is a performance from Leona Lewis. She also points out that this is the last time the judges can save people from danger because next week is the final. To be honest, the judges should have lost their save power weeks ago, but I guess I should be glad they're letting go of it at all, rather than sitting there on finale night and saying "fuck the public vote, we declare Charlie the winner", which would not really be the best way to reward the 300 people who are still watching. (I'd LOL - Chris)

The judges are reintroduced, and nobody has taken advantage of the hour the show was off the air to sort Nigel's hair out. What exactly do we pay our licence fee for, if not that? Time for a reminder of what happened earlier, viz: Arlene loved Lizzie and Robbie's vaudeville-style Broadway routine, and they were too busy getting changed for their next routine to celebrate. Mandy and Alastair ripped off Bed Dance, and she was good and he was not, and Sisco liked it a lot, and backstage Mandy said that it was the best they'd ever done it. Tommy danced with his shirt off and gave Louise the vapours, while Nigel thought they rose to the challenge. Lizzie and Robbie's hip hop routine got less enthusiastic reviews, but was still well-received in the broad sense. Alastair and Mandy's paso doble was considered a hot mess by just about everyone, and backstage Alastair felt like he'd let Mandy down, which he sort of had, because he wasn't very good (And he sort of hadn't, because she sucked as hard as he did-Chris). Charlie and Tommy finished things off with a bonkers quickstep by Karen Hardy, which they got a great reception for and squealed about backstage. Louise doesn't know how they'll decide who to send home. Nigel thinks that they really need to impress the public. Sisco thinks that not all the routines were successful, but everyone "gave it 110%" (cock), (If Alistair had given 110% cock he might still be there...-Chris) and Arlene was apparently too busy sticking pins in an Alesha Dixon voodoo doll to comment.

Time for another VT, this time telling us all how much the competition means to everyone. Lizzie says that it's helped her to grow both as a person and as a performer - she never thought she'd get here, but now she's here, she'd love to make it to the finals. Charlie also never thought she would be here "at 19 years of age" (fuck off) and really wants to prove herself to the public. Mandy's husband has been very supportive, and she thinks that being in the final would prove that all of the hard work she's done in her entire life was worth it. (Calm down dear - Chris/the nation)

Three beautiful girls stand before her, but Cat only has two photos in her hands. Oops, wrong show. Anyway, she congratulates them all for making it this far, but warns them that two people will be in danger tonight. Mandy got called a "true survivor" by Sisco, Lizzie got told by Nigel that her personality had come through, and Charlie was told by Arlene that she can't keep in rhythm. The first dancer definitely in danger is...Mandy. Cat hugs her, but Mandy's all "what the fuck ever, I've done this twice already, I knew it was coming." Cat asks Arlene for her opinion on this, and Arlene says that Mandy's solos are always strong, so she needs to dance her heart out later. She means that literally, Mandy: dance it out, and then Arlene will have it for dinner later with a dash of soy sauce and a red cabbage salad. That leaves Lizzie and Charlie awaiting their fate, and the contestant with a definite slot in the final is...Charlie. (BOOOOOOO! - Chris) Charlie covers her face and whimpers, while Lizzie hugs her, and Cat reminds us that Lizzie has never had to dance FOR HER LIFE before. Louise assures Lizzie that every dance she's ever done on this stage has been exceptional, and she's sure this one will be no different.

Lizzie runs off, and Cat turns to Charlie and says: "and now I have to talk to you." HA! I mean, she said it cheerily enough, but in print, it just sounds so unwilling, doesn't it? A teary Charlie thanks the public for voting and keeping her in, and runs off into the pit, where there is no one to hug. Ah, the perils of being successful.

Right, onto the boys, so it's VT time all over again: Robbie says he's been through so much, and to go out now would let down his friends and family and devastate him. Tommy agrees that going out in the semi-final is the worst thing in a way, because you're so close to the final. It probably doesn't suck as much as making the final only to come 4th though, surely? Alastair says that making the final would be the only way he can say thank you to everyone who's supported him this far. Spoiler alert: Alastair is an ingrate.

So, the boys all stand in a line next to Cat, in solo-ready clothes, looking various degrees of nervous (Robbie is twitching, Alastair is solemn, Tommy couldn't really give a shit (I love how the nation was all WE NEED MORE AUDITIONS TO GET TO KNOW THESE PEOPLE'S PERSONALITIES MORE and now they're about to vote someone without any "personality" (in reality show terms) whatsoever the winner - Chris). Cat reminds Tommy that Arlene called him the most versatile contestant, and Robbie that Sisco said his hip-hop number took him from zero to hero (it did? Surely the other way around? Then again: why am I debating the inner logic of something Sisco said?) (I think he meant in hip-hop terms when comparing it to his first attempt at it, with the lovely Yanet - Chris), and Alastair is told that Nigel loved his contemporary dance, though the scatching reviews for his paso doble are unsurprisingly omitted. Cat opens her envelope (ooer) and reveals that the first dancer in danger is Alastair. Robbie grabs Alastair's shoulders as he walks past, and Tommy taps him on the arm supportively.

Cat asks Sisco, since he loved the contemporary routine, what did he see that the public didn't? I can't answer that, but one thing Sisco clearly did not see before leaving his dressing room this week: a mirror. Thank you, I'll be here all week! (Not really, this isn't Dancing on Ice.) Anyway, Sisco wishes Alastair good luck, and Alastair takes the walk of shame stage left. Giant Robbie and Tiny Tommy put an arm on each other's shoulder, in a way that has to be kind of uncomfortable, and Cat reveals that the male dancer definitely through to the final is...Tommy. Awesome! He's my pick of the boys at this lamentable, Drew-less stage. Cat stands in between them, and very sweetly tells Robbie that this means he will have to do his solo, but it isn't necessarily the end of the road. Nigel's opinion is solicited, and he says that looking at it the other way, clearly Tommy did a great job tonight. Nigel doesn't think Robbie needs to do anything to improve, he's doing brilliantly, though obviously something is not connecting with the viewers. This disregards the possibility that Chris explained to me earlier, that due to the unique way So You Think You Can Dance is voted for by you, the viewer, Robbie could've been 8th out of 8 last week and 2nd out of 6 this week, and still have been B4 both times, so two consecutive danger-zone appearances at this stage doesn't automatically mean an absence of public support. Anyway, Nigel hopes that Robbie can remain next week and find that level of support. Somewhere offstage, Alastair's all "well, shit." (I know - Alastair obviously pissed Nigel off this week for some reason - Chris)

Cat congratulates Tommy, the "first finalist" (because nobody cares about Charlie) and Tommy thanks everyone who's voted him to the final, and he can't wait for the big challenges that await him next week. He runs off into the winner's pit to give Charlie someone to hug, at long last.

Arlene is asked for some final words of advice, and she starts spouting about clouds and stars and last chances, and I honestly don't think there's been a single occasion in the past two weeks where I've watched Arlene in something and not wondered if she was wasted.

It be solo tiem nao: Mandy shimmers out in her glittery dress to 'Feeling Good' and sasses her way through a solo that isn't quite as awesome as last week's was, but is still pretty great. She even does a little head pop at the end, and damn, that's a good note to go out on. Lizzie's next, doing her feats of bending to 'Bleeding Love', and I'd say that technically this is about on a level with Mandy's, but I'd keep her anyway thanks to her body of work on the show being stronger. Alastair returns and pirouettes and spins and prances his way through something dramatic sounding, that I don't really recognise, and it's all very nice, but nothing we haven't seen before, and he ends it by jumping to the floor in a fist-pumping "yesss!!!!" sort of pose which I find rather offputting. (That was the only bit I liked :-( - Chris) Robbie does more stretching to landfill indie, and I really don't enjoy his solos at all, because I just feel like there's nothing new in them. I enjoy Robbie as a dancer well enough, I just don't think his own choreography showcases him that brilliantly.

Everyone runs off for consolatory hugs, and the judges put their heads together to make a decision. Nigel says that he's looking forward to next week where they don't have any say in anything and can just sit back and enjoy it. While they're debating, Leona Lewis is here performing her new single, 'I Got You', which is not as sinister as it sounds. She's miming, which is just as well when you take this into consideration. The performance is surrounded by the European dry ice mountain, and a lot of people dressed in black doing contemporary dance, or pretending to be horses, or something. I dunno, you'd think that after a month of blogging this show I'd know anything at all about dance, and I'm still utterly clueless. I do enjoy watching attractive young men dancing with their shirts off though, and really, isn't that why we're all here? Well, here, or watching Chicago.

Once all that's over, Cat welcomes back the "four in danger", which is presumably one of the lesser-known Enid Blyton adventures. Mandy and Lizzie are called out to learn their fates first, and Nigel tells them that the judges are unanimous, both in their decision, and in seeing both of them in their top three dancers, and they should both be aware of their general levels of amazingness, yada yada yada. Lizzie is told that her personality has grown across the series, and Nigel's just sorry it's not happened sooner, though he notes she's not been B4 before, "and yet you find yourself at probably the most important week of the series. However, you're still here, step back." Heh. Mandy is assured that whether she makes the finale or not, all of her hard work has been worthwhile - which is just as well, because she is out. Lizzie receives the news soberly, hugs Mandy, and is ushered offstage by Cat. Mandy totally knew this was coming and is still upbeat: we see her JOURNEY over the series, and I'm sad that I didn't realise how awesome she was until last week. (That's because she wasn't awesome until last week - Chris) Then again, she was kind of inconsistent, so it's not entirely my fault. In fact, it is anybody's fault but mine, like most things. Back in the studio, Mandy's in tears and apologises for being "the blubbering American", thanks her family, and implores everyone who dances to keep doing so, because "it's worth it". This moment came to courtesy of the L'Oréal School of Performing Arts. Cat wishes Mandy good luck, kisses her, and sends her off to the Stool of Elimination.

Alastair and Robbie come forward, and are also informed that the judges are unanimous, again in their decision, and in seeing the boys are inspiration to all the men out there who are worried that maybe dancing might make them look gay or something. Alastair is called forward, and Nigel wonders how he got into ballet from being a farmboy, and loves that he goes off drinking WITH THE LADS and still looks like that, and advises him to keep drinking beer. Then there's an odd bit of business where Nigel says that they overdramatise stuff on telly (I am SHOCKED by this revelation, I don't mind telling you) (I ALMOST DIED - Chris)) when they say that people were dancing for their lives, and things like that, but someone really was dancing for their life tonight - and at this point Alastair mouths a small "thank you", thinking, not unfairly, that Nigel is talking about him, only for Nigel to say that that person was Robbie. Oooh, awkward. Nigel goes on to say that Robbie overwhelmed Alastair in the solos, so Alastair will be leaving us tonight. Robbie gives him a man-hug and runs off stage, and Alastair heads for the soothing arms of Cat. Alastair's VT shows him dancing around a tractor, being shirtless a few times, wearing argyle, being inconsistent but still being kind of hot, and saying that he will walk away with fantastic memories. I'd rather he danced away with fantastic memories, but perhaps I'm just being greedy.

Back in the studio, Alastair thanks all the people he's been working with - and the sound's a bit muffled here, but I think he singles out Drew, which is awesome - and the people at home who supported him this far. Mandy's there too, and beaming, and Cat reminds us that next week, we have all the power in deciding who gets the cash, and the chance to be mocked on the US version of the show. We're told that Robbie Williams will be here next week (o, the incomparable joy), and Cat signs off.

Dance party! Robbie runs onto the stage at a considerable lick and full-on glomps Alastair, while Mandy shares a warm hug with Lizzie and Charlie sort of attaches herself to the end of it, and then both Charlie and Tommy are pulled into the embraces by the respective eliminees, and it's all very cute, and then they all start hugging each other. Dancers, eh?

Well, that's it for another week. SHOOGABOOGACANDANCE!

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