Sunday, 22 May 2011

Tapped out

Top 10 Results: 21st May 2011

Earlier tonight: BARROWMAN. And what a terrible idea that was. Also, the Top 10 dancers performed twice (twice!) for your votes, and now the lines have closed. There's about to be a gender-balanced elimination, and with Rithy & Shane out of the competition, the danger zone is wide open.


We open with a group number set to Presumed Future X Factor Judge Kelly Rowland's single 'Work', set backstage at a fashion show, featuring Katie Love, Bethany Rose Lee and Katrina Ballerina as fierce diva movel bitches ready to cut each other, with FDOFP Kirsty and Scally as what I assume are meant to be sassy stylists. Scally's carrying a can of hairspray anyway, although to be honest that might just be for spraying in the eyes of whoever she thinks is going to be partnered with Matt next week, assuming the whole partner swap thing EVER ACTUALLY HAPPENS. Kirsty gets a bit lesbionic with Bethany Rose and Katie, while Scally focuses her attentions on Katrina (and sadly this routine does kind of back up Louise's assertion from earlier that Katrina's a bit uncomfortable with doing "sexy"). We pan out to Lee and Israel as the Noted Fashion Photographers of the world, both rocking an androgynous look which obviously Lee has no trouble with, but I'm pleasantly surprised by how good it looks on Israel. The three Fierce Diva Bitches climb onto a clothes rail as Kirsty and Scally wheel them around (I'd feel sorry for Kirsty here being relegated to this role, but given what happened to her in rehearsals, I'm guessing she's absolutely fine with not being asked to perch on flimsy-looking props right now), and if you're wondering what happened to the others, Luke, Matt and Tom now emerge from behind the mirrors as Big-Haired (not so much in Tom's case, obviously) Model Stormtroopers. This is so fucking hot I can't even tell you. Then the whole thing becomes a giant dance fashion show, and Bethany is vamping it up for all she's worth. There's some general whirling around of ladies, and a hilarious piece of blocking where the MaleModelBots stand behind the Fierce Diva Bitches who are all bending forward. Ooh, matron! This whole routine was amazing. I genuinely don't understand why the big group numbers on this show are routinely brilliant when the individual routines that we're actually judging these people on are so frequently underwhelming.

Cat enters, barking "work!" at everyone as they stride off, cackling to herself manically. Cat to host Britain's Next Top Model! She thanks Beth Honan for choreographing that awesome group piece (thanks Beth!), before reminding us that we're about to discover who's missing out on a spot in the quarter-finals, and Saturdays are here again as Britain's favourite Girls Aloud substitutes will be in the studio. Or more likely have already been in the studio about four hours ago.

After a quick recap of the rules of reality TV voting, Cat welcomes back the judging panel, including Not Remotely Special Guest Judge BARROWMAN, who didn't take the hint during the performance show. If he'd cut his losses and scarpered, he probably could've caught tonight's performance of Legally Blonde in the West End, and then everyone would've been much better off. Cat asks Arlene how the contestants must be feeling at this point, like we haven't already established that every other week, and Arlene says that there's a reason why they refer to it as "dance for your life"[/Dance For Your Bottom Zone Danger - Chris], and the contestants have to basically act like it's a life-or-death situation.

Highlights from earlier, anyone? Katrina and Tom's salsa got a mixed review from the judges, proving that the Latin curse is alive and well for anyone not called Danielle or Luke, while their jazz performance was rather staccato and did not receive Arlene's approval. Backstage, Tom thinks that they really went for it, while Katrina sighs that they've done it so much better previously. Bethany Rose & Israel got good notes for their lyrical hip hop routine, with Louise thinking that they're getting better and better every week. Their charleston, on the other hand, was sloppy as hell, but the judges decided they didn't mind because it was entertaining, because that's apparently where we are now on this show. Bethany observes backstage that it's nice of the judges to recognise the hard work that they're putting in. Scally and Matt's so-so disco routine brought Barrowman's ire for randomly not being Italian enough (SHUT UP BARROWMAN - God, I can't believe he's actually got me siding with these two, of all people), so backstage Charlotte vows to take his comments on board and become more Italian in the second routine. I hope they've got Fergie on standby. BEEF MEDALLION! Then Matt had really sweaty armpits again in their contemporary routine, and Arlene fell in love with them all over again. Backstage, Scally and Matt act like anyone gives a shit what Barrowman thinks. Kirsty and Lee didn't win over Barrowman either with their Hair-themed Broadway routine, and caused Arlene and Barrowman to argue forever about what free love looks like and whether we can show that on BBC1 at teatime on Saturday. Backstage, they rather sensibly choose to laugh off the feedback since they weren't really given much to work with. They came back strong (as did the table leg, much to the relief of Kirsty's face) in their hip hop routine, and Arlene was wowed by Lee's swagger and Sisco admired their commitment to the task at hand. Katie and Luke enrolled at Dalton Academy for their commercial routine and got rave reviews. Backstage, they celebrate, with Katie calling it "best detention ever!" Louise loved their seamless and fluid Viennese waltz, and Artem comes backstage to hug them, except Luke gets a bit overenthusiastic and refuses to let go. Not that I can blame him. [I'll say - Chris]

The couples are lined up onstage in their elimination outfits, and Cat bemoans the fact that they have to lose anyone from this line-up. We start with Katrina and Tom, and Tom got his first compliment of the entire series tonight while Katrina got her first criticism. Strange times, indeed. We then move over to Kirsty and Lee, whose Broadway routine started such a dispute that it almost caused the Rapture, while their hip-hop number was generally better received. One of these couples is in the bottom two, and it is...Katrina and Tom. Tom takes this news with a "well, that's me boned, then" head-nod. Kirsty and Lee embrace them, and then scarper quickly offstage. Cat beckons Katrina and Tom over, pointing out that she saw them nodding and asking if, then, this was not a surprise for them. Katrina says, somewhat carefully, that she'd prepared herself for this, while Tom is just nodding chirpily behind her, presumably quite looking forward to not having anyone tell him he's rubbish next Saturday night. Cat asks Louise for some advice, and she tautologises "guys, this is never going to get any easier, each week it gets tougher and tougher", and that since the judges have been telling them where they've been going wrong, they need to come out and show that they've taken it on board. I wonder how Tom is going to incorporate "who are you? I could only see Katrina" into his solo. Maybe he'll just not turn up for it. [I hoped he was going to come out wearing but a Hallowe'en pumpkin on his head and done the Monica Gellar Thanksgiving Turkey On The Head dance - Chris]

So who's joining them in the bottom two? Clearly not MATTFLINTMANIA and Charlotte, but we'll humour them all the same. Barrowman did not care for their disco number, but he ranks about six positions below Louise in the ranks of people whose opinions actually matter (in between them are Israel's Mum, Bethany Rose's alpaca, Matt's tap shoes, Drew's Cock-Phone From Last Year, and of course me and Chris. Not necessarily in that order), so that's not really an issue, and their contemporary routine left Arlene speechless. Bethany Rose and Israel's lyrical hip hop had perfect storytelling and Louise noted their ongoing improvement, while their charleston was entertaining, if not actually much cop. Finally, newly-formed couple Katie and Luke, whose routines went down well, even if they weren't technically perfect. Two couples are safe, and one couple is in danger [gurl- Chris]. That couple is...Bethany Rose and Israel, so Scally and Matt and Katie and Luke are safe, with Katie and Luke becoming the first couple all series to bounce back out of the bottom two. Cat asks Sisco why the public might not be connecting with these two, and Sisco says that he's surprised that they're in the bottom two, but Scally and Matt are popular and Katie and Luke have an exciting new dynamic. I think Sisco's taking the format of the results show to mean more than it actually does - they were up against everyone in the vote, Sisco, not just the people they were just stood next to. He tells them not to worry, and to "kill it" in their solos. Is killage the opposite of liveage? I'm so confused. Israel's not looking overly concerned, perhaps because even Charlotte's hair knows that there is no chance of Israel being sent home over Tom.

Cat asks Barrowman if he has any advice for them? NO HE DOESN'T, GOOD, LET'S MOVE ON. Katrina opens with her ballet solo (I'll be bluntly honest and admit that I have no idea what the music is) and it's good - energetic, dynamic and elegant. But will it be enough? Poor Unfortunate Tom does his solo to 'Rockin' Robin', and it is of course a tap number. It's fun, but it's clearly all for naught. Bethany arrives to do her solo, a jazz routine to N.E.R.D.'s 'She Likes To Move' - it's very sexual, lots of leaping around and doing the splits and general feline crawling across the stage. Israel rounds up the event, with a hip hop routine to Steve Angello and Laidback Luke's remix of Robin S's 'Show Me Love', which seems to largely consist of skipping from side to side. Again, I'm probably showing my age here, but I think he'd have a much freer range of movement if the crotch of his trousers weren't hanging below his knees. [Yes dad - Chris]

While the judges deliberate, the Saturdays are here with their new single 'Notorious', which is sadly not a Duran Duran cover. Their dancing involves a lot of thrusting their breasts around (I think that might be lost on the audience of this show, to be perfectly honest) and the staging is themed around a lift, for some reason. The song is about being a gangster on the dancefloor, apparently, so that at least seems fitting for this show, although the back-up dancers in this routine do, for the most part, put the contestants on the show to shame.

As always, Cat applauds like they're just off-camera and not several miles away by now, and summons the dancers in danger back to the stage. As tonight's Head Judge, it's down to Arlene to announce the results, somewhat nervously. She calls Katrina forward first and tells her that the judges have been delighted at how she's risen to the many challenges they've set for her, even though she's a ballet dancer. Tonight, however, was not her best night. Bethany is called forward next, and her feedback is almost the opposite - she had a slow start in the competition but somehow managed to turn it around and become a contender. However, the viewers are obviously not feeling quite so passionate as the judges are. Arlene tells the girls that the result is not unanimous, but they've decided to send Katrina home. Katrina takes the news well enough, but Bethany - who's been rather emotionally intense all evening - sobs right into Katrina's microphone as she hugs her, which clearly makes it that bit harder for Katrina to keep it together. Cat tells Katrina she's been brilliant, and we see her best bits: primarily wowing the judges as a hip hop geisha mannequin, and her revealing that the show has changed her life. When we cut back to Katrina, she's welling up, and she tells Cat that she's loved every minute, and thanks everyone for everything. In the pit, Angry Luke is clearly having LOTS OF FEELINGS about Katrina's elimination, bless him. Katrina says that she's loved performing here every Saturday, and Cat promises not to forget her, and to follow her on Twitter and friend her on Facebook and all that sort of stuff. Katrina hugs Cat tightly and doesn't want to let go.

Tom and Israel move across for the Foregone Conclusion Of The Evening. Arlene tells them that she's going to "cut straight to the chase" because this time it is a unanimous decision (well, duh). Tom nods his head, because he's not stupid and knows this is a Tomlimination. Indeed, Tom's far more concerned about Katrina, and heads straight over to Cat and asks if she's okay, because he's really upset for her. D'awww. I SHIP IT. Cat promises to grab Katrina over in a second, after his best bits: obviously someone who wasn't on the judging panel compiled these, because they do actually show him dancing. I'd forgotten that he had longer hair in his audition - it's cute, but he probably does look better with the buzz cut. [He does not - Chris] He remembers being scared during the first live show and having SO MANY FEELINGS (calm down, Tom, you're not Luke), but despite everything, he's had the best time on this show. Hooray! Back in the studio, he very politely thanks the choreographers and the judges, before clapping the people in the Top 8. Katrina comes back on, having composed herself a bit, and while Cat trails next week's show, Tom leans over and gives Katrina a "buck up, little camper" smile and holds her hand. Next week: The Black Eyed Peas! (Ugh.) The rest of the contestants swarm the stage and Bethany Rose collapses into sobs on Katrina again, and she's got a whole huddle around her, while Tom's just being hugged by Kirsty and Lee. I don't think this is anything personal against him, I just think everyone's realised she's clearly the one more in need of reassurance at this exact moment. Then Matt comes over and hugs Tom, but Not In That Way, while Lee moves over to Katrina and makes efforts to co-ordinate the whole thing into one giant group hug. And we're done! See you next week for the quarter final.

1 comment:

  1. love your take on things, made me smile more than the show, I was soooo sad that Katrina was sent home.